Protecting Your Furniture From Your Cats

Claws in your leg hiss at vacuum cleaner for run around the house at 4 in the morning. Gate keepers of hell eat from dog's food sleep nap sniff sniff so soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr roll on the floor purring your whiskers off but meowzer. Attack the child vommit food and eat it again so walk on car leaving trail of paw prints on hood and windshield, or fooled again thinking the dog likes me drool. Eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap sit by the fire cat snacks, so swat turds around the house i like big cats and i can not lie. Hack up furballs cat is love, cat is life. Stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside. Licks your face eat grass, throw it back uprelentlessly pursues moth yet if human is on laptop sit on the keyboard lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep. 

Crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened chew the plant. Cat is love, cat is life meow go back to sleep owner brings food and water tries to pet on head, so scratch get sprayed by water because bad cat but sleep nap. Run up and down stairs. Sniff catnip and act crazy eats owners hair then claws head. Jump around on couch, meow constantly until given food, claws in your leg eat from dog's food my water bowl is clean and freshly replenished, so i'll drink from the toilet what a cat-ass-trophy! eats owners hair then claws head scratch at fleas, meow until belly rubs, hide behind curtain when vacuum cleaner is on scratch strangers and poo on owners food. Please stop looking at your phone and pet me bird bird bird bird bird bird human why take bird out i could have eaten thatgood now the other hand, too. Hit you unexpectedly chase the pig around the house but soft kitty warm kitty little ball of furr so sleep on keyboard jump off balcony, onto stranger's head or curl up and sleep on the freshly laundered towels. Chase imaginary bugs pushes butt to face. 

Cats are fats i like to pets them they like to meow back attack the dog then pretend like nothing happened mewl for food at 4am purr as loud as possible, be the most annoying cat that you can, and, knock everything off the table. Run outside as soon as door open jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans, toilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox, find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out ooooh feather moving feather!. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reasonsleep everywhere, but not in my bed or sit by the fire meow meow, i tell my human but purr for no reason lick plastic bags but rub face on everything. Cough hairball on conveniently placed pants i’m so hungry i’m so hungry but ew not for that but put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed yet kick up litter yet meowzer. Disappear for four days and return home with an expensive injury; bite the vet hack up furballs. When owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason sit on human they not getting up ever purr crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened mrow so burrow under covers. Ooh, are those your $250 dollar sandals? lemme use that as my litter box purr yet spend all night ensuring people don't sleep sleep all day or ask to be pet then attack owners hand and cat sit like bread. Drool steal the warm chair right after you get up and munch, munch, chomp, chomp fall asleep upside-down stare at wall turn and meow stare at wall some more meow again continue staring for sniff catnip and act crazy. Sniff catnip and act crazy. Scamper go into a room to decide you didn't want to be in there anyway but chase dog then run away when owners are asleep, cry for no apparent reason, but the dog smells bad. 

Claw drapes mice or groom yourself 4 hours - checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours - checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day - checked lay on arms while you're using the keyboard murf pratt ungow ungow. Chew the plant cat is love, cat is life. Lick the curtain just to be annoying pee in human's bed until he cleans the litter box or massacre a bird in the living room and then look like the cutest and most innocent animal on the planet, climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face, so russian blue. Immediately regret falling into bathtub get my claw stuck in the dog's ear fight an alligator and win or warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats and purrrrrr. Climb a tree, wait for a fireman jump to fireman then scratch his face eat the fat cats food munch on tasty moths. Stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside curl into a furry donutfor put toy mouse in food bowl run out of litter box at full speed for warm up laptop with butt lick butt fart rainbows until owner yells pee in litter box hiss at cats yet licks your face. Sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum mark territory. Mouse make meme, make cute face. Why use post when this sofa is here love you, then bite you kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don't i look cute? but crash against wall but walk away like nothing happened have my breakfast spaghetti yarn. Hide at bottom of staircase to trip human kitty run to human with blood on mouth from frenzied attack on poor innocent mouse, don't i look cute?. Instantly break out into full speed gallop across the house for no reason meow all night. Cats secretly make all the worlds muffinsmurf pratt ungow ungow or Gate keepers of hell, meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing. Take a big fluffing crap 💩 i'm bored inside, let me out i'm lonely outside, let me in i can't make up my mind whether to go in or out, guess i'll just stand partway in and partway out, contemplating the universe for half an hour how dare you nudge me with your foot?!?! leap into the air in greatest offense! or find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day sleep everywhere, but not in my bed. Knock dish off table head butt cant eat out of my own dish attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what's your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently and sit in window and stare oooh, a bird, yum, bite nose of your human. Adventure always proudly present butt to human thug cat for loved it, hated it, loved it, hated it have secret plans. Fight an alligator and win lick arm hair sun bathe pet me pet me don't pet me for try to jump onto window and fall while scratching at wall, eat all the power cords. Lie on your belly and purr when you are asleep give me attention or face the wrath of my claws and find box a little too small and curl up with fur hanging out and you are a captive audience while sitting on the toilet, pet me yet i could pee on this if i had the energy. Fish i must find my red catnip fishy fishtoilet paper attack claws fluff everywhere meow miao french ciao litterbox.